|
|
Dear Friend,
My monthly newsletter has me feeling quite vulnerable, as I have chosen to reveal a deeply personal experience for myself. I do so in order to get the conversation going, on a topic - love and relationships - that affect so many of us.
In fact, you can continue the conversation by becoming a member of my website in order to comment on the topics discussed there. Besides the interactive quality of the website, there are other benefits to becoming a member. More on this later this month.
Click on the green button on the homepage and become a member , so you can post a comment, rate my products and musings, and most importantly join me in creating a peaceful world.
OTHER LINKS:
Most Recent Online Story, click HERE
CBS' Early Morning Show link HERE.
IONS Global Shift Special Event in June, click HERE.
~ Azim N. Khamisa |
| Azim's Monthly Musings |
|
The Importance of Relationships to Achieve Balance and Spiritual Growth
"Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half sorrow."
- Swedish Proverb
I have often wondered why so many spiritual masters like the Dalai Lama, Tich Nacht Hahn and the monks in many orders have all taken the oath of celibacy. I have never really understood this although I have the highest regard for these luminaries. Gandhi became celibate at the age of 36. But why?
While my life is working on the fronts of spirituality, health, investment banking, public speaking, publishing, peace activism, and the success of the nonprofit organizations TKF and CANEI, I have found that I have not succeeded in attracting and sustaining the right relationship.
I do enjoy a wonderful array of very warm and affectionate relationships with my family, friends and people I work with, however I am talking about that one special relationship with a significant other. As a spiritually and emotionally resilient person who has done a lot of work on myself, I do believe that I attract everything that happens to me. I am in the inquiry now as to why I have - over the years - attracted relationships that do not sustain. In times when I have been in relationships I do know that they come with joy and also challenges. There are those very happy times - times one truly feels on cloud nine and feelings of sheer ecstasy, and then there are those very difficult times when all our faculties are totally consumed as a result of a major disagreement or, worse yet, a breakup. Sometimes it can takes months or years to get over something like a divorce or a breakup of what was once a very wholesome loving and satisfying relationship. I have wondered why so many of us go through these challenges - what I call "bardos."
Yes I do see that getting through these deep bardos has me learning much about myself, in a time I experience significant spiritual growth. It has me wondering if there is such a thing as a significant relationship that sustains ... or is it better to be living in the present and to simply enjoy the ride. I know I would like to have a relationship that does sustain, but is that realistic? Some spiritual masters will tell you that relationships do not end; they only change form.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, is forever! Are these times in between relationships (my last relationship ended in July 2008) times of deep introspection and growth or times of feeling pain and loneliness? Sure there are times when I do enjoy this alone time, as it helps me work on many things I enjoy for which I did not have time when I was in a relationship. I go back to activities such as writing, reading, long walks in nature, time in an ashram, going on retreats, meditating, working out, spending time with family, and traveling to see friends I have not seen in awhile.
But then are times that are very lonely and times when you can not fully celebrate. As the quote says above, those celebratory times provide double happiness when shared. There have been many a night when I have received a major award at a fancy, black-tie event or have received a standing ovation at a keynote event with a packed audience only to find myself alone in a hotel room desperate to share this special night.
Fortunately, in these moments, I love to meditate and connect with the omnipresent spirit, rejoicing in the moment, with the knowing that I'm never truly alone.
____________________________________________
There have been many a night when I have received a major award at a fancy, black-tie event ... only to find myself alone in a hotel room desperate to share this special night.
_____________________________________________
Many of you in relationships and ones who do not experience these high and lows, I am truly interested to get your insights. As I am currently in a deep inquiry about my own life and looking at this aspect of my life where I have not succeeded, I'd like to garner wisdom from your experiences and insights. The one thing I do know is that life is a continuous pendulum swing from joy to sorrow to joy - the ups and downs - the day and night - the male and female. For, in this world of duality, evenNoah's Ark was entered two by two in order to keep the species alive.
This tells me that we are not meant to be by ourselves but to be in that significant relationship - a place where joy is doubled and sorrow is halved. As Sogyal Rinpoche writes in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, "Life is difficult because we all oscillate from sanity to insanity and back to sanity. It would be easier if we at all times are sane or insane." Relationships often feel like that - and maybe that is a good thing.
One can only appreciate joy when one can differentiate from sorrow. In each of these moments we feel the high and the lows we are using the same faculty to feel. Whether it is sorrow or joy, our ability to feel deeply expands the faculty. In pain - as you spiritually grow - you are able to feel the pain without the suffering.Through the achievement of pure consciousness (as taught by Buddha's four noble truths) one is able to transform pain into joy. In relationships you learn the power of this when you "kiss and make up." Maybe one of the deep meanings and gifts of a significant relationship is to learn that pain is unavoidable but suffering is avoidable, and that through the constant evolution of developing a pure consciousness - through the experience of a relationship - one is able to transform this pain into joy. I would like this again.
Where are you my significant relationship?
I miss you.
Many Blessings,
Azim N. Khamisa
|
A Forgiveness Petition from Miranda now Online
|
|
8th Grader Idea to Free Tony to do Good Works
Miranda Norlin, a 13-year-old youth from North Carolina, saw Azim speak at the Peace Alliance Conference in Washington, D.C. So inspired about Azim's desire to have Tony, the man who murdered his son Tariq, freed from prison in order to help the cause, Miranda chose to create a petition requesting the California governor to release Tony. Now online, the petition can be found HERE. The letter text is below.
Dear Governor Schwarzenegger,
In January 1995, Tony Hicks, a man currently in the California jail system, shot and killed Tariq Khamisa on the command of an 18-year-old gang member. Tariq was 20 years old; Tony was 14. Tariq's father, Azim Khamisa, forgave Tony, the boy who murdered his son. He founded the Tariq Khamisa Foundation with Tony's grandfather Ples Felix. The purpose of the Foundation is to "stop kids from killing kids." Tony is in contact with Azim, who is now like a father to him. He has passed his GED and is taking college courses by correspondence. Azim can do a lot to prevent violence, but if Tony was there also, telling young gang members that it wasn't worth it, pulling that trigger, think what might be accomplished. We think Tony should have a chance to do this before he is eligible for parole at 46. That is why you are receiving this letter. We the undersigned ask you to do all in your power to shorten Tony's term for the greatest good of youth in this country.
~ Miranda Norlin
|
|
BOOK - REGULARLY $25 - ONLY $16 ONLINE
|
|
Secrets of the Bulletproof Spirit Sale Online
Azim Khamisa's third book "The Secrets of the Bulletproof Spirit; How to Bounce Back from Life's Hardest Hits" - published by Random House and coauthored with Jillian Quinn -hit the top spot on Amazon's Hot Releases last month, placing number three on the Spiritual listings. Here is a self-help book with practical instruction on how to develop the inner strength to respond powerfully to all of life.
SPECIAL ONLINE SALE - On Azim's Site
Retail $25
On Sale for $16 on Azim's Site HERE.
For all Items in Store, click HERE.
|
|
|
Newsletter
Comments
Posted by Virginia Andrade on May 2, 2009 1:30 am
I Love your article Azim, thank you so much for sharing such a personal side of you. There is great strength in being vulnerable. I too have been challenged all my life by that special someone relationship and what I have discovered about myself is that I like starting new and exciting things and starting new and exciting events and starting new and exciting relationships....So my awareness AND acceptance of this about myself has given me peace in seeing that is the way I do relationships and I enjoy it instead of trying to fit into what I'm suppose to do according to someone else belief system. Ultimately it is the Love and acceptance of myself and who I am or how I do life that I am at peace with and I am having so much fun! So when I cry from a Love loss those tears of sorrow are healing tears for all the times that I thought I lost someone and it feels really good in that moment (no matter how long that moment last) to cry as I bring myself back to remembering the pure Love that I am. I Love reading your newsletters Azim, again thank you. Namaste, Virginia
Posted by Kathy Nicholas on May 6, 2009 11:20 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability Azim. I think we would all benefit greatly if we weren't so afraid to share our pain, sadness and longing. It is so much easier to share our joys, happiness and fulfillment. There is such a feeling of validation when we know that we are not alone, or so different from others in matters of the heart.
Years ago I read Iyanla Vanzant's "In the Meantime." She helped me to view relationships in a new light, one that made more sense for me personally than the old, all relationships are supposed to be forever thinking. That is not to say that sustainable intimate relationships are not my ultimate goal, and what I truly dream about, but I have a sense of patience while waiting for that.
I don't know who said this, or who said it first, but it is very wise, "People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." For me, as far as intimate relationships with males, I am still waiting for the one that comes for a lifetime. I have enjoyed the others, and cherished the experiences, the lessons, the pains and the joys. I know too that my lifetime relationship will not come a moment too soon, or a moment too late, but at just the right moment.
Peace.
Posted by priscilla howe on September 29, 2009 2:20 pm
Hello Azim
Humm I have been thinking about your thoughts and will try to tread carefully here as something can be lost when using a computer. I guess my first question is to ask you to think about relationships, most people will talk about the present. In my own experience I find a person has to go back to the original relationship. I believe the answer lies there but it is with alot of work...often we go through relationships, some good , some with challenges. With you there is a nice quality of reflection , i wonder if it can work against us at times?
It is difficult to speak plainly as i do not know the complete background but perhaps in this instance we can trade support and hopefully we can arrive at some insight...
hope this makes sense...I speak better than I can write...
your friend...priscilla